It’s A Beautiful Pain… 

A lot of people can get cuts and bruises, right? But that wasn’t my pain. My pain was a lot different. Here are some pains that I experienced through the course of my life.

Depression Pain

Physical symptoms are common in depression, and, in fact, vague aches and pain are often the presenting symptoms of depression. These symptoms include chronic joint pain, limb pain, back pain, gastrointestinal problems, tiredness, sleep disturbances, psychomotor activity changes, and appetite changes. 

Some people with depression are really good at hiding their pain. I was one of those people. The reason why I hid it really well was because I didn’t want people to know that I was hurting. I am gonna bullet point all of the things that happened during the pain through my depression state.

  • Tiredness
  • Appetite Changes


Fatigue is also known as tiredness, reduced energy, physical or mental exhaustion, or lack of motivation. Causes of fatigue can be psychological, physiological, and physical.

I was always tired. Why? I couldn’t sleep well at night. This was back in 2009 when I was badly bullied for being different. I always had a hard time falling asleep. I was so hurt and in pain about what was going on in my life at the time that I would just start to cry. I don’t know how long I would be asleep for everyday but I would always wake up extremely tired.

Loss of Appetite

Loss of appetite, medically referred to as anorexia, can be caused by a variety of conditions and diseases. Some of the conditions can be temporary and reversible, such as loss of appetite from the effects of medications. Some of the conditions can be more serious, such as from the effects of underlying cancer. 

Another thing that I tried to hide. I would wake up every morning not feeling hungry. When my mom would give me my bowl of cereal I didn’t want to eat it, but I ate it anyways just because I didn’t want my parents to find out that I was kinda starting to lose my appetite. Even though I would wake up and go to school everyday not feeling hungry for anything I would eat my food anyways just to hide it (I never lost weight).

Grief Pain

Following a death or loss, you may feel empty and numb, as if you are in shock. 

I have lost a lot of people when I was younger. But there were only 2 people who really took a tole on me when they died.


I was extremely close to my grandpa when I was growing up. When my grandpa I reacted to it in a very different way from everyone else. I couldn’t go into the room where the casket was. I don’t remember how my times that we went there cause I was very young but I remember that I would never go into the room. Cause I couldn’t believe that my grandpa was gone.


Karyna was my cousin but we weren’t blood related. I’ve known her since she was born. She passed away in 2008 when she lost her battle with cancer. As I started to grow up I started to miss her more and more each year. And when her favorite songs would come on I almost begin to cry. Every time I would think about her I would always say something to myself

“She was too young.”

Even though people have pain in their lives. It’s not gonna last forever.